Bollucks



Bollucks

What an interesting day.

It started with a little gaming with the fabulous Wil Wheaton, and somehow ended with me being hit with a truth spell and a potential member of the assassins guild in a medieval town called Havenport. Let me explain.

After gaming with Wil Wheaton, there was a brilliant flash of light as we tried to leave the Con. I don’t know what happened after that, but I woke in the most intense pain that I had ever felt in my life. My entire body was throbbing and it was torture just to move. I was in a cave, alone but for my luggage and an altar. On the altar were symbols written in a language that I did not recognize. Was I being sacrificed? Had I already been sacrificed? Was this some sort of purgatory world? Of course all of that is bollucks, but it is difficult to justify ruling anything out at this point. If this was all just an elaborate prank, it was incredibly detailed and very well thought out. I have no idea how long I was out before awaking inside a cave, but on the altar was all of the equipment for the character I made for the Wil Wheaton gaming session, including a set of armor beautifully tailored to fit my body. Either I was dreaming or Wil Wheaton was giving me the most elaborate gift ever. I mean I know he has a wife and kids, but sometimes people get bored you know? I even had my Pegasus statue that turns into an actual ride able Pegasus! That would take years of engineering beyond our capabilities. I don’t know how he did it, but that man is brilliant.



After gathering my materials and leaving the cave, I found others who were apparently in the same situation as me. Upon closer investigation, they were the other members of the gaming party. It would seem unfortunately that I am not as special as I thought I was. Of course I’m not. Why would Wil Wheaton single me out? Among the party were two full elves! Also two vampires! Never in my wildest dreams had I imagined such creatures could exist outside of fantasy. It would seem that we were in some sort of Skyrim type world. I never played Skyrim, but I beat Oblivion. Its essentially the same thing right?

After significant debate (oy the debates these people have! Every decision has to be a group effort!) We followed some paths to find that the other two members of our party had apparently chosen extraordinarily wealthy characters. They were also dead. I hope that just means their characters died and they are having a safe drive home from the Con, never to behold this incredible reality. Maybe we were transported to an alternate reality? Or a pocket universe like in Doctor Who?

After more debate we finally settled on going into town. Once there we discovered that there was a curfew of dusk. Apparently there was somewhat of a vampire problem as described by the mayor. I’m not sure what to think about him, but time will tell. At first I thought it was one of the two in our party, but they’ve only just arrived like me. Besides, one of them, Cortez, is in complete denial. I can’t really blame him. There is a part of me in denial as well but hey, we are gamers. Suspending disbelief is what we do!

Well we also found out that Cortez apparently has a workshop in which he has a coffin (surrounded by blood I might add), which weakens the argument that we have only just arrived. Could we have done things while we were knocked out from the light? Are we inhabiting previously created characters? I don’t know and it is astoundingly frustrating! I hate not knowing things!


I decided to try to seek out the assassins guild by looking around the local tavern. It was one of the first things I did in Oblivion, why not here? It isn’t like they are going to force me to kill someone in front of them. I mean in Oblivion you have to have killed someone already in order to join, but this isn’t Oblivion. If nothing else, I will have allies among the assassins. Allies who presumably know this world a fair bit better than I do. Can you imagine me actually killing someone? It seems a bit laughable. I don’t even kill spiders! Bloody hell. In retrospect I may have made a mistake. I will find out tomorrow when “someone will come find you.” What does that even mean? That is some mafia shit!

Using a similar thought process, the others have decided to join a guild as well. The ranger wizard will join the Mage’s Guild and the Vampire who-is-not-a-vampire will join some sort of crafting guild. The other vampire is very eager. She seems to know more about the physics of this world than the rest of us. Apparently she use to like to drink blood IRL. Thats a bit weird. Some people juggle geese!

Both vampires say they are not going to eat me, but instinct is a powerful mistress. She usually gets what she wants, especially if she is desperate enough and neither vampire fed at all today. Just in case, I brought some stakes, garlic, holy water, and a monster trap with me. One can never be too careful.
Oh! And guess what? I am bloody brilliant with a knife now!
This is going to be fun!
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Bollucks

GURPS High Fantasy Belrathius