I Choose Good

Dear Brother,

What an interesting day.

I had awoken early and as promised went to pick up Ruben. I had every intention of having hate sex with him in his coffin to fulfill a fantasy but he had awoken even before me and departed. I was frankly pissed. You ask someone to pick you up and then just leave? As he may read this I will leave out my desired insult I want to say of him. I kept my promise though.

My other new companions found my letterbook to you and began reading. For a moment I was mortified. All my deepest private thoughts to you were exposed. Alice even asked who you were and in my mind I had to suddenly relive all the pain and anguish of your death due to that drunk driver. But I have found my peace with that incident my loving brother. I let them continue to read unabated as perhaps they will learn something of who I am and gain knowledge and insight they seem unwilling to verbally accept.

Sure I was a blood drinking human and now am an actual blood feeding vampire but I never denied this or questioned what I am. You know me, I am exactly who and what I say I am and hate it when people deny who and what they truly are. I have not made any apologies for this since I realized the truth in eighth grade after your death and embraced what I am. I am certainly not going to start now. I feel sad for those that pretend to be something they are not, even sadder when they attempt to ridicule us that are truly enlightened to ourselves. I hope someday my companions can accept themselves for who and what they are as well as I do. I may even do a little dance of joy for them.

I fully admit I have drunken blood from so many vamp groupies, the first two weeks of the last Twilight movie premiere was such a wonderful buffet, but never without their willingness. I see no issue with people willing to give me blood of their own free accord, especially now that I can heal them right after! Now that the Sear told us even a full sized horse could not sustain one as me a single day due to its weakened potency compared to humans I am saddened by such news. Such a wondrous animal would be killed unlike a human. I do not see this as an issue for me as I have plans to only feed from humans however I think I will recommend to Ruben that he invest in a cattle and butcher shop since he is so anti-human feeding and squeamish about the whole thing. The thought sickens me though. Then to want to play a vampire and get your dream come true and have such issues with it just disgusts me all together.

So many people have thought of me as a freak, a misfit, even a monster. They have no idea and are so clueless in their own way. Until one achieves true acceptance of oneself they cannot know true peace and harmony. Let alone forgiveness even from themselves. People are such true monsters just to each other. Freaks like me are just a way for them to try to make themselves feel normal in a world that is nothing that is normal. Gosh, I wish I could re-watch “Heathers” for the umpteenth time right now!

The rest of the letter I must first start at the end where we went to see a Seer. I was quite skeptical as you can imagine. I was quite pleasantly surprised however in that while no one in my group had wanted to listen to my educated guesses about what had happened to us, about my vampirism and needs and how to keep it safely under control the Sear seemed to actually affirm nine out of ten of everything I was trying to tell my companions. I do hope they will listen to my wisdom with more respect from now on and not look at me like a psycho lunatic as I have seemed to have been proven correct about most things. I forget who said it but wasn’t it something like, “True genius is never appreciated in our time.” Such true words, even on a day to day basis.

I bonded a bit with Alice today. She told me a secret I swore to keep but she then blurted it out to everyone. It was her secret to share and I did not break my word but since she made it known to all my nosy companions I feel I can now share with you. She decided to join the Assassins Guild, which of course, requires her to assassinate someone. As such she was freaking out understandably. I mean who wants to kill someone!??? She told me who it was and what a horrible evil person they are and convinced me to help her. I told her I would help but not kill as I have made this very clear to my companions. I may be a vampire but I am not a killer. While Alice was very convincing of the dire need for this evil man to die and I agreed to help I did so to get her to trust me and us to know each other. I am still honestly not sure if I could have really helped her in such an act but her and I do need to learn to trust and rely on each other. As do my other companions. While I believed myself able to have been willing at the time to use this evil person as sustenance so I would not harm any of my companions or innocents I still believed I would convince her not to go through with murdering him. From something the Seer said about us created from “The Blood” I interpret that we are not good or evil but our choices make us such. While I plan to subdue and feed on her target peacefully and allow me to keep him hostage for sustenance, without any real injury, this will only buy me what I am guessing less than 40 hours to convince Alice to choose to be a Champion of Good and not start down the path of Evil. I am now a vampire and need to feed. This is a simple fact. If I delay it, as the Seer reinforced my own arguments, the hunger will grow. As such I will the barest minimum daily to sate myself in the most passive and accepting way possible.

Yes, I know there are so many logic fallacy here. So many people die for no good reason. Tens of thousands of basically innocent people in wars. So why not actually kill a genuinely evil person? I guess it is a question of morality that I have no good answer to. Is it right to unplug someone that is a mental vegetable with no hope of recovery to harvest their organs and help or save a dozen? Do I try and help spare someone I am told is evil that he should not die for such crimes? What are his real crimes? Is he really evil or just pretending to actually buy slaves and set them free as was a practice in the American Civil War? How does one even begin to justify such questions of morality? A better question is why is there an assassination contract out for him. Assassins are murderers for hire which should have no morals. Sorry Alice. This begs the question is this target truly an evil person or is an actual truly evil person out to murder a good person is disguise? Do good people hire assassins? I do not know the answers to these questions but I do feel they are very relevant questions.

Dear Brother, I just realized I had almost lost my own morality. I am so grateful that you are still watching out for me. I had agreed to a potential atrocity under my secret pact with Alice but that was under secrecy which she broke so I am now free of it and now realize what a horrible thing I may have done. I will still help capture and question this person and possibly feed (then heal) but I will then decide once I know the truth of things and not make false assumptions. I feel like crap now as that is what people have thought of me most of my life. I am very glad we visited the Seer now. This “Target” may still be a very bad person but I need to know the truth before passing any judgment upon him. I feel like BSG after escaping New Caprica where people were just being judged and spaced with no real trial. That was so wrong! How could I have almost let myself be a part of such a horrible atrocity itself!?

Brother, from wherever you are please forgive me this.

Your ashamed sister, Sky

I Choose Good

GURPS High Fantasy Belrathius